fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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