i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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