OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
