I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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