i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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