my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
