Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You can't just leave with hair like that
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
