he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize