i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
