omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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