woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
