so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize