I hate all girls vehemently.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
