Swine flu. Run for my life!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
