there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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