You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
