She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
