watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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