Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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