he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
