the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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