how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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