Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it glows. i had to have it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
