lets start a swedish sibling band together
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
