There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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