Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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