I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
