we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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