It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
