and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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