You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
