Don't you send me to vm
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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