your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
