so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
