9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I want a musical about memes.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
