it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
