Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
