The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
