just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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