I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
