I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
