You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
