i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
