o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he puts the penis in happiness.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
