Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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