he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
