Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
