i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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