omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
