Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
