Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
