Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
