Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
