he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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