ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
