there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
