hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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