FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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