and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
