Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
