Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Someone signed my nipple.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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